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December 8, 2011

It seems someone has covered my chair in superglue and replaced the floor beneath it with quicksand. That’s kinda what it feels like anyway. I’m going through a really bad tegretol high right now so some of this might not make sense.

I had a really bad trigeminal neuralgia attack not too long ago. It started out really weird, not my usual aura feeling pressure on my face. It started out like a headache that got worse and worse, then a mild toothache in all the teeth on the left side of my mouth. Then just BAM, shocks throughout my entire head triggered by sound (the cat meowing), 20/10 pain scale per shock. Stupid me was attempting to get my office cleaned up and organized, so my pain plan was not in sight. I panicked and started popping pain killers and tegretol. They weren’t working, so I took more. I’ve taken my entire daily dose of tegretol in one shot. My head has mostly gone numb now so I can tolerate sound again. During the worst of it I was afraid to move at all, just because of the slight breeze moving makes. I wanted to cry, but I was too scared to let my face move at all, make any sound, or let tears touch my skin.

The pain has stopped now thankfully, but I feel so sick. All of a sudden it felt like I was falling, even though I’m sitting down. It felt like my chair was suddenly falling through the floor and I couldn’t get off the chair. When I turn my head it feels like the room is rotating in the opposite direction. I feel like I’m going to throw up. My entire body feels heavy, like I’ve been glued to the chair. I feel like I’m sinking into the floor very slowly. I do not understand why anyone would go out of their way to get drugs that do this to them and use those drugs recreationally. This is not a pleasant feeling, it’s horrible and I want it to stop. If I try to look up a little, my head feels so heavy that it just drops all the way back so I’m staring at the ceiling. I feel so weak, it feels like I should be shaking like crazy bit my body is too heavy to shake. It feels like my bladder is about to let go. I can seem to grip anything tight enough to lift it without dropping it. My hands and back are going numb. I have goosebumps, but I can’t tell if I feel cold or hot. Some parts of my face and body feel wet though it’s not.

I have taken more tegretol than this before and did not get this. I’ve gotten part of the high before, but never this bad. It should go away in a few hours, normally does. It’d better, because I need to head to the school in a few hours to get some work done. The attack better be done with by the time the drugs wear off, I have too much to do tonight. I have a lot of work due tomorrow.


From → Journal

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