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October 14, 2011

So sleepy today! Don’t know why. Went to bed early, fell asleep really quickly, got a solid 8 hour stretch. Woke up, turned the alarm on my phone off, shoved the phone under my pillow, and fell back to sleep. Didn’t wake up again until my ride to school got here. Was in a total fog all day, so hard to focus, was so tired I almost felt drunk, like I hadn’t slept in days. Lots of numbness in my hands, feet, face, and mouth. Get the tingles when I look down and a really big numb patch pops up on my right shin. Thankfully my classes ended a bit before noon today, don’t think I would have lasted through a full day. Probably going to be very soon. Still just really really tired. Right eye is starting to just kill, so sore. Have some foggy vision and the usual blurred areas along the bottom of my vision. Really hoping the new glasses fix that but I won’t get my hopes up, and I’m not going to keep my hopes up about them being ready for pickup any time soon.

Hoping I’m not this tired tomorrow. Want to finish some school stuff ahead of time, get some housework done, get groceries….going to go out tomorrow and try to find a wheeled laptop/overnight bag (surprisingly hard to find here) that I can use instead of my bookbag. That thing just gets too heavy and it’d be nice to be able to bring extra books with me so I can get more studying done between classes. Just dawned on me that I haven’t driven in over a month. That’s kinda sad…doesn’t sound like a big deal, I know, but it is. I don’t want to drive until my eyes are better (guess that’s really why I’m hoping for the new glasses to work so badly).

Took a study break and started watching Law & Order: SVU. When they said the victim had MS, it felt like I got punched in the chest. So stupid, two stupid little letters yet my heart skips a bit when I hear them. It was hard to watch because of the physical state of the victim. My outward attitude towards it all is “you don’t pick the cards you’re dealt, you just choose how to play them”. When I see something that reminds me of just how shitty the cards you’re dealt can turn out to be though, I get scared. The worst case scenario I can picture myself in is a wheelchair, I just can’t imagine anything more than that because anything beyond a wheelchair is terrifying. I don’t want to imagine myself unable to talk or move at all. Why worry about it if it hasn’t happened yet, right? And if it does happen, then have I really enjoyed the time I had before that if I spent all that time worrying about it happening? Ah whatever, getting too philosophical for my energy level. Time to lay down and nod off to Fringe.


From → Journal

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