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In your face

September 20, 2011

I feel so good right now. My arm is absolutely killing me from relying so much on the cane and my legs are still numb (I can feel the lump in my thigh from the torn muscle with my hands, but I can’t feel any pain from it), been having some pins and needles down my back and my headache is still there, but mentally I feel wonderful.

It’s all about the first responders. At the last minute I decided to skip doing groceries tonight (I’ll do it tomorrow afternoon since I have a short day) and went to the weekly training instead. It was the first time I’ve used a cane around them.

There were no awkward stares, no looks of pity. There were questions of course, but there were no real explanations needed since they all know what MS is. For some of them it made things click in their heads (“Oooooh, remember back when you were really tired all the time? It makes sense now!”). There was joking around, which I really appreciated, and I did the same training as everyone else. That felt so good, to still be part of the group, to not be treated differently. Any time I go to meetings it’s like going home after a long trip. I absolutely love those people.

I’m now part of the emergency plan committee for the city and surrounding areas 🙂 There is a big simulation coming up next month so we’ll be having meetings about that (I’m part of the group to make sure each emergency shelter/treatment area has the right supplies). While I can’t actually treat patients right now, it feels so good to know that I can still help out in some way 🙂 Once I get on treatments and get some symptoms under control I can recertify to treat patients again.

Tomorrow will be really interesting. I’m sure there will be odd looks, there may even be direct questions, looks of shock and pity and maybe even confusion, but I don’t care. I’m not going to school to win the approval of strangers. It doesn’t matter what they think of me, I know who I am and what I’m capable of so that’s all that matters.

Now then, I’ve got to do a bit of studying for my test tomorrow and try to squeeze one more page out of my printer so that’s all for now.

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From → Journal

2 Comments
  1. What are these magical meetings??? You need more of them! 😉
    Glad you’re doing good mentally. Bad brain days make everything awful. Give me the physical any day but give me mental clarity!

    • Indeed! It’s not so much the content covered at the meetings (all emergency medical stuff), it’s the people. I was there for 4 years before I went back to school the first time, so they’re like family 🙂 We all have the same weird twisted sense of humour 😛
      Bad brain days suck so hard, glad I’m not having one of those! Tomorrow (technically today since it’s almost 2am) will probably kinda suck mentally since I’ll just be so tired, but hey, I got my sleep this morning so I’ll just have to plow through the fatigue and sleep like a rock once I get home. I have one of those coffee flavoured energy drinks though so I’ll chug that back if I’m feeling really tired tomorrow before my test.
      ugh I really don’t want to do this homework 😛

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