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Exposed

September 17, 2011

Well I can’t hide any more. Monday will be interesting since it’ll be my first day at school using a cane. Pure stroke of luck: I found a folding cane at the drug store when I was getting my batch of vitamins at more than half the price of what it would have been online. I’ve named him Tiny Tim.

So ya…I know why things are getting bad lately, it’ll be a few more days, a week max that I’m all messed up (get the hint? trying not to be too TMI). Yesterday I had a really severe series of spasms in the back of my right thigh that resulted in a torn muscle. I ended up having cold spots all over my leg (though no impaired circulation), spasms spread, all that wonderful stuff. Been taking a painkiller to keep the pain under control, but my leg is just useless. I can move it a little bit on my own but for the most part I have to lift it with my hands (like when putting on my shoes). I can barely flex my foot up at all right now. Left foot is going numb and tingling, with a bit of banding sensations around my lower leg but I can still move it around just fine for now (hoping it stays that way; I’m screwed if I end up losing that leg too because I don’t have a wheelchair to get around school in….actually…I wonder if they could help out with that….we’ll see). Will definitely be using the elevators at school (shouldn’t get any trouble from security since I have the cane). I have a big numb spot on the back of my leg that covers the very top of my thigh, part of my bum and half my crotch so sitting down feels extremely weird (it’s like there’s a hole in my chair).

Getting some cramping in my shoulder but I’m chalking that up to a bad mix of just my psycho heavy bookbag and using the cane (it’s a wee bit too long, I need to get more holes drilled into both of them so I can shorten them some more). Getting really intense tingling in my legs, hands, and part of my face when I look down The areas in my face that tingle are the spots that get affected during a trigeminal neuralgia attack, so I’m going to have to be extra careful to make sure I have my pills, a bottle of water, and ear plugs with me at all times until this passes.

The ticklish skin vibrating and crawling sensation in my back is driving me nuts, especially at night. The burning sensation in the back of my neck is constant and more intense. I’m getting pins and needles behind my knees and that really weird wet skin sensation as well sometimes. What else…..headaches, especially right behind my right eye. This is just really weird since normally it’s my left side that acts up really badly, no idea why it switched. But, I’m not focusing so much on why every specific thing is happening any more. I’ve accepted that while some things are predictable, a lot of it has no rhyme or reason to it so I just have to roll with it.

Not quite sure how people will react on Monday. I’m expecting a few “what happened?” or “wow rough weekend huh?” kind of comments and questions, but I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to answer it all yet. I think I would rather questions though instead of just gawking and whispering. I’ll have a little bit of time between classes, so I’ll see about maybe setting something up with my program coordinator just to explain what is going on and what limitations this puts on me. I won’t be bringing any textbooks with me until this passes. They’re just too heavy and drain way too much of my energy. A notepad should be good enough. Other than not having textbooks with me, I might need a few extra minutes to get from class to class, that should be it. Mentally I’m completely fine, no cog fog at all and surprisingly my energy level is completely normal. I’m not thrilled about the thought of taking a painkiller every day and I’ll try to just push through it, but I won’t suffer needlessly. When I’m not on them, I feel the torn muscle really badly and the rest of my leg…ugh. It’s like it’s been filled with so much ice cold water that my leg is about to burst open.

I won’t be surprised if I get dirty looks from some of the people in my class. There are some students that….well to be completely blunt and honest, should not be in any sort of health care program at all (or any post secondary courses really, they’re just too immature for it). There are a good chunk of us though that already have experience in the field, so I’m hoping they will be a bit more considerate than them. We’ll see! Will update again Monday night when I get home (or early Tuesday morning, depending on how tired I am and how much work I have to do).

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From → Journal

6 Comments
  1. That’s it. All women with MS or other type illnesses need Mirena birth control so they never have their period. I’m scurred to have it….its been nearly four years.

    Good luck with Tiny Tim. I’m thinking about getting one myself. Glad you’re doing well mentally so you can be quick witted with the cane-comments-come backs 😉

  2. I’m starting to strongly consider Mirena or depo provera :S It doesn’t affect all women so you never know, you may be one of the lucky ones that doesn’t have it trigger a flareup every month.

    Not sure if I’ll even have the chance for any cane-comment-come backs. Both legs are gone right now, I can’t get more than a few feet without my legs and feet seizing up. It’s so much worse this month, bad mix of many things right now (the usual monthly crap, that damn cold, and lack of sleep). Kept waking up all night after taking forever to fall asleep (not insomnia this time, symptoms keeping me awake). Woke up feeling like my head has been stuffed with silly putty so I have a wicked sinus headache.

    I think its safe to miss classes today (which pisses me off though, I never miss) but I have stuff due tomorrow and a test. I hope at least one of my legs goes completely numb by tomorrow (top of right foot is going numb so thats a start) so I can get around using the cane for the sore one. god i have that ultrasound on wednesday too, going to be fun trying to walk through the hospital to the right department.

  3. I never realized how gigantic hospitals were until I got MS. I mean, I knew they were huge but now I calculate the walking in comparison to city blocks and in the back of my mind I keep tabs so when I go out with friends I can pull up the info when I get nervous like “shopping downtown will be no sweat. It’ll just be like that time I had to walk to the other side of the hospital for my MRI and I survived that” I think of everything differently now and if I’m having a rough day, I’ll get a chair at the hospital.
    And look into Mirena. 5 years no period & no babies. Win-win.

  4. That’s a really good idea, I never thought of thinking of it that way. Thankfully the hospital sent a map with directions on it to the right department. I will have to double check the map to find out where the nearest bathroom is cause ooooh boy I’m going to need it after the test. Not sure yet how to actually get to the hospital itself, I’ll have to look it up later.
    I’m overdue for a checkup so I’ll have to ask Dr. Fabulous about Mirena. I wish hysterectomy was an option but no doctor in their right mind would do that to a patient my age (even though I never want to have children). Not worried about getting knocked up since well, that would actually require a guy lol, but no period would be nice. I’ve never tried any birth control that stopped the cycle before, but I reacted fairly well to the pill (looking back now, I stopped because I noticed I was getting unexplained bruises on my legs along with leg cramps. The cramps were definitely from the whole ms mess, the bruising could have been from hitting my legs on things and not realizing it).

  5. Funny, I stopped a medication once because I thought it was making my legs wonky when really it was my MS.
    I hav zero side effects from Mirena other than no period ever. My doctor says most women she knows on it are the same way and most women (who choose to) get pregnant right away after removal. You actually stop ovulating and that has it’s own set of benefits. I’m never hormonally mood-swingy either.
    Ok. Back to work.

  6. Stopping everything would be fantastic (no mittelschmerz! woo! I hate that so much).

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