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The High

July 29, 2011

It did absolutely nothing for the pain, it just made me feel high and nauseated. I’m thankful that this is not a normal part of an attack and was only because of the painkiller. I hate it now when people (usually in movies) say things like “it’ll make you not care”. That’s wrong. It just made me unable to react. I felt lightheaded, and it felt like I was completely disconnected from every part of my body except for my face. The nausea I had from the sound of the change rattling was nothing compared the nausea from the painkiller. It felt like everything was in slow motion, yet somehow I still couldn’t keep up.

The pain slowly subsided some more as the double dose of tegretol kicked in until it just felt like a bout of sensitive teeth coming down (though it was still throughout the entire left side of my face and behind my ear). The feeling of having a vibrating metal bar shoved under my skin went away. I looked in the mirror again and started gently touching my face, trying to see if I still had any trigger spots. The only area I found was a spot about the size of a dime partway between my nose and upper lip, a bit off to the side (where you get laugh lines). I decided to tempt fate and took a sip of coffee. It didn’t hurt. I opened my mouth wide, and that didn’t hurt either. I asked my dad if we could go get something to eat because I felt that if I didn’t eat, I would throw up. That is all I remember of any conversation we had. The rest is a complete blur of nonsensical sounds. We left to go pick up some food, and every time the car turned a corner it felt like I was sitting outside of the car; like there was nothing underneath me, behind me, or to the sides of me, yet somehow I was still in a seated position with no effort. I managed to get about two small bites in before I was too exhausted to eat. The nausea faded away, and I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I had a few moments where I managed to get my eyes open, and all I remember was staring at a plant outside and being fascinated by it. Everything else was blurry except for the leaves on that plant. Given how bad my eyes have been lately, it was nice to see something so clearly. Then I started to fall asleep again.

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