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An open letter to my central nervous system *language*

May 25, 2011

Dear CNS,
Thought you could keep me down huh? You crippled me for months, but in the end you couldn’t win. You robbed me of my ability to walk, think, and play with my little brother. You took music from me, you took peaceful sleep from me. You forced me to cower on a chair to wash myself, you made damn sure I could barely keep myself fed. You stripped me of my ability to feel, only to give it back to make me feel every bit of pain you could throw at me. You turned me into a sobbing mess, you made me push away everyone I love.

You made me feel like I was going crazy. You drove me to desperation, anything to end the pain you put me through. You dragged me into the deepest depression I’ve ever felt and made sure to remind me every second of every fucking day of all the things I couldn’t do because of you.

But all those people you made me push away? They pushed back, and they’re still here. That crushing depression has been replaced with a glorious sense of victory. Why? Because I’ve overcome you. Today, I got up and I walked. On my own, without a cane, and without pain. You tried to take my legs but I took them back. Go ahead and keep making my leg twitch, it won’t stop me from walking on my own. Keep on give me pins and needles and numbness in my legs, all you can do is irritate me, I won’t let you hurt me anymore.

And trust me, this is just the beginning. Just you wait until I start fighting back with the medications. That’s right prick, it’s game over for you. Go on, keep giving me relapses, I’ll keep on beating you back in every way I can. You will never take my life from me.

Willpower 1, CNS 0. Fuck you, I win.


From → Journal

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