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May 10, 2011

Well the doctor’s appointment didn’t go quite the way I expected it to. My legs are cramped up today, but mainly my left leg (cramps in my right leg are in my thigh and I have full control of my right foot). It hurts to point my toes down with my right foot (causes cramps in my thigh) but I can suck it up so I drove myself to my doctor. Once I got there, the stress of going to the doctor and the fact that I had been on my feet in the morning caused my symptoms to get worse. I started shaking and my legs started to cramp more. Lucky for me, the doctor watched me walk in from the parking lot so she got to see how much worse stress makes the condition. I also didn’t have to wait, as soon as I got checked in I was sent into an exam room.

It didn’t go well though. I am no longer going to see the in town neurologist. My doctor wants me to see one in the nearest major city (an hour drive away). I told her about seeing flashes of light when it’s dark out, difficulty finding the right words at times (especially when I’m tired), and how OTC pills are doing nothing for the pain. We also talked about anxiety and depression since it’s making me worse, but she didn’t prescribe anything because she doesn’t want the symptoms to be under control when I see the new neurologist (which makes sense). She’s sending me back to the ER again though. This time, for an urgent MRI (she doesn’t want to wait for the results, so no more friday the 13th). Since there is no MRI in town, she is sending me to the ER in the same city as the neurologist. She wanted me to go today, but I have no way to get there since she says I am to stop driving now (I had to take a cab home from the appointment) so I have to wait until tomorrow.

The receptionist was really sweet at her office. She’s always pleasant, but once she saw the way I was walking as I went into the waiting room she brought me back to an exam room instead. She waited for a while with me in the exam room and asked me if I had fallen, why did I fall, were my symptoms caused by or a result of falls, would I be alright in the room on my own? etc. Once the doctor came in and I started trying to explain things to her, I burst into tears once I had to tell her that I have to use a showerchair now. I couldn’t stop crying, which of course made my shaking worse. She read my file from the neurologist and was quite upset with how that went, then checked my reflexes again to see the babinski sign for herself. She helped me get on and off of the exam table and helped me walk across the room so she could see how my leg is contracted when I walk.

I’m still pretty upset about how much worse it has gotten and the loss of independance by no longer being able to drive. Still in a good deal of pain but at least now I’ve calmed down enough that the shaking has for the most part subsided and it’s just muscle spasms in my legs now. I’m absolutely exhausted and can’t wait to get to sleep, though I have the feeling I will be too nervous to sleep tonight. I’m glad she is taking this so seriously though. Up until her these problems kept getting brushed off by doctors, nurses, family, etc. I’m really hoping that they can figure it out with the MRI tomorrow and I can start some sort of treatment that will get this under control. I really don’t want to drop out of school in September, but if I’m still like this by then, there is no point in going. I can just barely take care of myself as it is right now, there is no way I could be a nurse if I stay like this. I have no idea what I will do with myself if I have to give that up, I’ve never really considered doing any careers outside of healthcare. Right now though I think I should just aim low and hope to get it under control enough to work any job really…


From → Journal

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