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Is it tomorrow yet?

May 9, 2011

I hope the doctor scheduled me for a long visit tomorrow, cause I’ve got a lot to discuss with her. On top of the vertigo problems, I need something for the pain. I’ve been taking the maximum daily dosages of my main OTC pills (and sometimes exceeding it) and it’s starting to cause problems with my stomach. I’ve been getting a lot of indigestion lately, and I’m getting tired of having stomach acid wash up into my throat. It hurts and it tastes horrible. I’ve been worried about being labeled as a drug seeker if I asked for anything for the pain, but since my GP is taking this seriously I doubt she will see it all as a farce to get drugs.

Yesterday was absolutely horrible. My legs were cramped up as soon as I woke up. I could not straighten them so I couldn’t walk. I had roll around in my computer chair, using a broom to push myself around to get my house cleaned up for mother’s day. I had to lift my legs with my hands to get in and out of the bathtub and it was absolute agony. To get at my laundry in the basement I had to scoot down the steps on my rear. I tried to pull myself back up the stairs using the bannisters but I lost my balance and couldn’t get back to my feet. I ended up spending 20 minutes dragging myself up the stairs. About halfway up I broke down and started crying. I wanted to just give up and stay there until someone came over to help me up. But, it was mother’s day and I knew that the person that would find me would be my mom and frankly she has enough on her plate. I didn’t want to ruin mother’s day so I dragged myself up to the top of the stairs and back into the computer chair (thankfully the chair didn’t tip over when I pulled myself up onto it). I avoided taking any pills in the morning so I could take a higher amount of them shortly before my family came over. After the handful of pills kicked in I could straighten out my right leg and just tried to avoid walking as much as possible when family was over. It still hurt like crazy but I managed to suck it up until everyone left.

Since I was able to straighten out my right leg though and wasn’t haven’t spasms in that leg, it meant I could drive a little bit last night. I picked up a friend and we went shopping. It was nice to get out of the house and see people again, but it was not without challenge. I had to shift in my seat a lot while driving but other than that, it was ok (getting in and out of the car requires a bit of effort but nothing I can’t handle). Walking around the store though was hard. I had to lean all my weight on a shopping cart and move very slowly. I didn’t bother trying to lift my left leg at all so it just dragged behind. I think this ticked off a few other shoppers that just stuck behind me but oh well, that is their problem not mine. I really don’t care. By the time we left the store I had deep indentations on my forearms from leaning on the cart. I’m surprised I don’t have bruises from it.

I had to stop at my house and get a cane, then went over to a friend’s place. Getting in and out was a bit more challenging than I thought since they live on the top floor of an apartment building that is not wheelchair accessible (so the stairs getting in from the parking lot were a bit nightmarish). I’ve never been so grateful for elevators. Whenever I leave that friend’s house though, I always take the long way home. This involves going down a stretch of poorly lit road surrounded by trees. There aren’t usually many cars, but it is an area where deer tend to jump out (thankfully I haven’t had any jump out in front of me yet). It makes me a little nervous going down that road but it’s quiet and gives me the excuse to stay driving a little bit longer (there is a bit of a debate as to whether or not I should still be driving, but I choose when I drive very carefully and avoid driving when I feel that it’s not safe. I want to hang on to driving as long as I can do so safely because it’s a pretty big part of independance for me). Now, for about a week now I’ve noticed that at night I see a little flash of light every now and then. It’s not blinding and it only lasts a second or two. Going down that dark road last night, it was like a miniature fireworks display. I panicked a little bit at first because I’ve never seen so many flashes at once, but I just took it slow and made sure not to ignore any flashes that were red (animal eyes), just the white ones. I don’t think I’ll be driving at night anymore. If I do, I’ll be sticking to the roads with better lighting.

After all that went on yesterday, I am completely exhausted. My legs still hurt just as much as they did yesterday (when I put weight on my left leg it feels like I’m being punched in pressure points) and now my arms are killing me from overusing them yesterday to compensate for my legs. I did not want to get out of bed this morning, and I want to get back into bed right now. But, I have to go out later this afternoon to get some more flowers for the garden (I managed to plant some azalea bushes yesterday and yay, my lavender has sprung back to life) and get a new purse because well…I just have too many things to carry around with me now (braces, pills, stress balls, etc) and I need a new bag that can hold all that stuff (I’m not driving though, my attention span is way too short today for that). My mind is really foggy today so if parts of this entry don’t make sense, it’s because I’m finding myself at a loss for the right word at times. I’ve had this happen a few times but it’s really really bad today (I’m blaming the fatigue). I should probably make a list soon of all the things I wanted to tell the doctor tomorrow, just incase I’m foggy tomorrow too.

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