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Still kicking sorta

April 10, 2011

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything so I think an update is in order. Things are still pushing along in regards to the music and paintings, but going slower than I was hoping. The tremors are mostly gone but I’m still getting bouts of muscle spasms, numbness, nausea, and migraines (the one yesterday lasted pretty much the entire day, felt like I had an icepick going through my right eye and out the back of my head near my neck). Probably doesn’t help that I was doing a few test vocal tracks and ended up going hoarse for a while from that.

My mood has been a bit all over the place because of it. I’ll feel great for a while and be all happy, then some symptoms start coming back and I just want to drive my fist through something. Everything is kind of starting to hit me now mentally. It’s not something that’s going to just go away on its own. Jumping everytime the phone rings, expecting it to be the MRI place, is really messing with my nerves. Apparently it can take about 3 weeks before they call to make an appointment so it’s going to be a very long wait before I get that test done. I keep trying to just forget about it and go about my day but it seems anytime I finally push it out of my mind some little symptom pops back up to remind me that everything is not ok. I’ll be out with my friends laughing and having fun, when all of a sudden all the muscles in my legs start to tingle and feel like jello, then the word “degenerative” just sticks in my head and I just want to curl up in a little ball somewhere, go to sleep, and hopefully wake up from this nightmare.

Thankfully lots of hot baths and a massage chair have been taking care of most of the pain in my back (as well as some over the counter pain killer/muscle relaxant combos) and I bought a wrist brace today that will stop my hand from folding in on itself the next time it cramps up and freezes.

I’m really dreading all the waiting I’ve got ahead of me. Wait to get the MRI appointment, then wait to get it done, then wait in the car for 2 hours to get there, wait for the test to be over with, wait to get the results, then knowing my luck wait to see if it gets worse then go through the whole test process again before getting a diagnosis and treatment. With all this waiting, I can’t help but wonder how much worse it’s going to get before anything is really done and how much permanent damage there is going to be.

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